Here I am with a day off of work and I should be running around getting last minute Christmas gifts, but my heating bill was 200 dollars this month, so I’m on a budget until summer basically. Budgets are kind of the worst too, because I suck at sticking to them. I have a budgeting app on my phone (that I PAID for?) and it still depresses me. I feel so confident when I am in the blue — but then I spend a big chunk of change at Whole Foods or H&M and “fuck it” mode engages.
Holidays shouldn’t be about money — or weight gain for that matter. Everyone tries to avoid the holiday pounds — why? Because we are being extra social and going to ugly Christmas sweater parties and eating rum balls with eggnog? I guess. My “holiday weight gain” usually comes from me wanting to sleep all day since there are about 3 hours of daylight and its 25 degrees outside. I’m a freaking brown bear. See ya’ll in Spring!
So winter for me is really about survival. I’ve been taking some extra steps to make sure everything on me stays in working order until warmer weather comes again.
Bike trainer: I hook my current bike up to it and go to town for 20 minutes to an hour to clear my head and sweat. Bonus: you can jam out to your favorite songs and not look like a tool bag in front of others.
Food diary: Normally these are annoying — but its been helpful to see where I am lacking in terms of nutrients and macros. I am currently eating only 11 percent calories from protein and would like to bump this up.
HIIT: Did some investigating online and found a few good work outs to change things up. Check out The Daily Hiit site.
Tanning: I know this sounds counter intuitive, but I rarely get outside at my job so that Vitamin D (even from a synthetic source) is very very helpful with mood and health. Do you want me to keep crying at these Apple holiday commercials? Awkward…
MOISTURIZE: Man, it is dry up in here. I bought a humidifier a few weeks back to keep my sinuses happy at night. It broke. 😦 So hopefully Santa will bring me a new one, or I’ll pay more than 40 bucks for one. Also been using plain old coconut oil on my skin and nose for extra moisture. Stuff does wonders.
Washing my hair every other day: I’m on a mission to grow my hair out — but the dry weather breaks it like crazy. So I now only wash it every other day since I can just pull it up and go with that “beachy” look. Or the hey! I didnt wash my hair look. Also washing it before bed and letting it air dry has saved it from heat damage, which I am super guilty of doing. Blow drying and flat ironing once a week MAX now. Going hippy this next year. Dreads are looking good…kidding.
Eating Clean: Also extra effort to avoid sugar (help!) and limit carbs since I am less active in winter. Body seems to responding well.
Hey there. Well if anyone is actually out there and reading this, you may or may not know I had the honor of being a guest on a podcast. I was able to speak about my journey from sickness into recovery and what was well next I suppose. Its an interesting thing to be able to give a voice to the things that happened to you.
I dont share with everyone (even some close friends) that I struggled with anorexia for 10 years. Its really not relavant to who I am anymore. People shouldnt have to walk on eggshells. Things are no longer “triggering” for me that may of been before. Being on this side of health is really amazing. It hard to even think back into the mind and life that I lead 10 years ago. I did not drink or celebrate like most 21 year olds. I played it “safe”. Inside my little cave of fear and anxiety. I slept a lot back then too. Hey, I still like to sleep. It does wonders for my waking hours. But I suppose that is a different blog post.
I really struggled with the question “What would I tell myself back then (when I was sick)?” Because I am not one to judge, or give false promise — I couldn’t think of anything other than “dont waste your time”. But was it really time wasted? Time spent to say bigger things later. I can only hope.
I hate my body. There I wrote it. Its real. I know this is kind of coming heavy out the gate — but its a pretty deep seated issue into who I am, and where I came from, and went, and went back to, and now I am here. Does that make sense?
Anyway, being 30 is a funny this because your metabolism SUCKS. Okay, not funny. And you kick yourself for not pigging out more when you were younger. At least I do that.
30 is just a weird place in general. Since 25 and hitting my real adult metabolism (how I weighed less and had bigger boobs in college + drink 4 nights out of the week is BEYOND ME) I’ve been at many different varying weights. I would get stressed out and start eating more — or change work schedules and eat less. Or dump a boyfriend and work out like crazy. I think I’ve only once been happy with my body, but I was almost too thin and completely in ketosis the whole time. Then once I got happy and started eating more — weight gain. Fortunately I’ve been pretty stable around my current weight for about 2 years now. Now to be clear I DON’T own a scale. Never have, never will. Might as well keep crack in my apartment…I dont even look at the doctor’s office, because I KNOW that number will sit in the back of my mind and mock me like a 2 year old red headed child.
I realize there is little I can do with aging. I’m going to look older. My thighs are going to touch. My belly is not going to be flat. But thenn I get bored I obsess and look in the mirror and think about how no one could love a person so awkwardly shaped as myself. I have a lovely list of things I keep checked off to hate.
So I’ve moved on to this place of acceptance. Fitspiration tells me I can work harder, sweat more, and spend more time in the gym. But my knees are like “heeeellll nooo giiirl“. I suppose I could do more. Cut out chocolate all together (YEAH RIGHT! HAHAHAHHAA) or stop drink (DO YOU WANT ME TO LOSE MY MIND?!) — but then I think about happiness. And more than flat abs or a million dollars that is all I’ve ever wanted (well satisfaction is more like it really). Being in great shape made me happy — but wasn’t a means to an end. I was obsessed with working out and looking a certain way for awhile. I felt powerful. But it was unhealthy. And I am worse for wear.
So I guess its okay to “hate” my body as long as I treat it well? Which I do. I want to give it what it gives me. Have a good ROI and live to see some grandkids maybe. The biggest thing is GRACE — in all areas of life. And to yourself and your body. Let it not be perfect. Let it be who it wants to be…curves, fleshy bits, muscles, veins, pores, chapped lips, nails, eyelashes, and chins. And with that little bit of grace you will see so much freedom. I guarantee it.
Alright, so I have started another blog. If you know me at all — you know I am a social media junkie. I love the Interwebs and all its (over)sharing options into our typical and mundane lives. Or maybe I should speak for myself…?
Actually the thing is my life isnt that typical or mundane. I suppose I choose to frame it as such since its not at my desired level of comfort or whatever status quo I’m suppose to living up to at 30 years old.
So in efforts to find a place to outlet one of my biggest passions + daily concerns on a little less professional level, l I have started this blog. Forgive all grammar and spelling errors to come wont you?
Health and wellness is pretty much always at the forefront of my mind. I am an avid sleeper and self proclaimed nutrition nerd. I could talk for hours about coconut milk and/or 10 ways to make kale. I am also a certified holistic health coach — which I wish I had more time to devote to be honest.
In the mean time, I am here to spew my adventures in health and everything else that make my heart swoon. Music has always been a constant. I rarely turn down live music — and you can find me trolling Pitchfork or Rollingstone.com. I love art, cooking, tattoos, and the r/aww subreddit. I am diverse! Woo! Go me!
Hoping perhaps you all can get a kick out what I have to say and do here.
Comments always welcome.
Here’s the weekend in review:
Bought a humidifier in grave attempt to help heal breakouts + not have the ashy skin of dead person
Looked into digestive enzymes and bought a small bottle. Will keep posted on the results…